Dictionary

Jew·strich
/jo͞ostriCH/
noun
noun: Jewstrich; plural noun: Jewstriches

1. a Jew with the severe mental disorder which when faced with reality, will bury his/her head in the sand. In doing so, a Jewstrich will convince themselves that the reality in front of them (usually an uncomfortable one), doesn't really exist. Native to Five Towns and Teaneck, but can be very often found in many other Jewish communities around the world. 

note: doing this doesn't actually work

Origin

The Americanized version of Hebrew yĕhūḏī, from yĕhūḏāh ‘Judah’ (Jew) combined with ostrich: from Old French ostriche, from Latin avis ‘bird’ + late Latin struthio (from Greek strouthiōn ‘ostrich,’ from strouthos ‘sparrow or ostrich’). This word first appeared on the Modern Rashi blog, circa early 2015 C.E.


Self-hating Jew
/self/-/hāting/ jo͞o/
noun
noun: self-hating Jew; plural noun: self-hating Jews

1. a member of the people and cultural community whose traditional religion is Judaism and who trace their origins through the ancient Jewish people all the way to the Erev Rav who built and prayed to a golden calf due to a miscalculation of days Moshe was on Har Sinai. Often suffers from an obsessive neurotic desire to fit in with their un-Jewish surroundings. 
2. A Jew who believes the term "never again" means that we will make the goyim like us so much that they won't want to try it again.

Origin
Gained prominence in the 1930s with the publication of Der Jüdische Selbsthasshatian (Jewish self hatred) written by Theodor Lessing.


As-a-Jew
/az/-/ah/-/jo͞o/
noun
noun: As-a-Jew

1. An as-a-Jew is a secular leftist Jew who will invoke their "Jewishness" only when they feel the need to dump on another Jew, Jewish idea or the Jewish State. 

Used in a sentence:
"As-a-Jew, I just want to tell you how embarrassed I am by _______________"

Origin
When self-hating Jews (see above) realized that they would be more effective at hurting the Jewish people as-a-Jew than as-a-secular-leftist this phrase was born.

(credit for this definition and the inspiration behind it goes to Jefferey Goldberg)