Wow oh wow...

An encounter I had with a girl a little while back. Wow. This one was special. She describes herself as "a self-confident and self-motivated business woman with my career set in place". She asked me a couple questions.....

1. parents names
2. mashpia/rabbi name
3. yeshiva/high school
4. what did u do after high school?

And then followed that up with a paragraph. Which will be annotated Modern Rashi Style:

Look, I’m not really a “by the book” kind of person
Oh, yes you most certainly are, and we will see why in a minute.
it’s more like “rules are more like guidelines” (and yes that is from pirates of the Caribbean, I like that movie).
"Rules are more like guidelines" - guidelines that you follow
But sometimes following standard procedures like asking simple basic questions and calling a rabbi really isn’t such a bad idea.
In this sentence she is informing me that these are guidelines that she follows.
I need answers, and if you could answer the questions that would be amazing.
She is reinforcing the fact that she follows these rules by saying "I need answers" - to the questions that I say are more like guidelines.
It puts such a strain on everything. The relationship with my parents (and yes I have to care because I live and work for them and when we don’t get along things are miserable) and my Rabbi.
I do appreciate you informing me that you care so much about the entire world's opinions, something I definitely want to live with my entire life. I can just wait "Oh, we would go on vacation to Miami, but my Rabbi says it is a shmutzdick place, so we shouldn't go". LOL
I know you don’t want the world involved, but it’s really not. Parents and rabbis are normal people to be involved in these kinds of things.
Someone's umbilical cord hasn't been cut yet...
We can’t always do whatever we want all the time, there needs to be compromise and yes, I do need to keep my parents satisfied.
Good, I want to spend the rest of my life satisfying your parents as well. That is my passion in life.

She spend the ENTIRE paragraph contradicting herself. This was unbelievably funny to read.

NOTE TO READERS:
Anyone. Who asks those questions, you should not go out with. That is a blanket statement for everyone. I will break it down for you. Why are your parents' names important? What do they tell you about the person you're going out with? NOTHING. Mashpia/Rabbi Name.... This one needs no explanation. Why in the world does that need to be asked? Yeshiva/High School - an appropriate question, but highly inappropriate in the context asked. Same with number 4.

Oh, it and it gets even better. She told me "My dad wants to speak to your dad". WTF?!?!? Like if they get along well then we'll go out and if they don't click, then we're not going to date?? The levels of stupidity here are unbelievable.