I have received much criticism for my work due to the negative tone that is (allegedly) used in most of my articles. I can affirm that IF there is a negative tone used in my writing, it is solely due to the fact that there exists and abundance of very special Jews out there. There also exists a (much lower) number of more normal Jews. This guy has half a brain, but no balls. If he had a whole brain, he wouldn't be using shadchanim, and if he had balls, he would be going over to girls himself. Exhibit A, which will be edited Modern Rashi Style:
Time For Honesty in Shidduchim
From the COLlive inbox: I can't tell you how many times I've received requests to "adjust" my resume one way or the other.
by: anonymous
This is already off to a good start. So this title means that the person is stupid enough to use a shadchan, but is smart enough to know that lying for the purpose of getting married will generally (read: always) not end well.
There is an old adage "honesty is the best policy." This truth applies to all facets of one's life. An area in which it carries particulate importance is dating.
As a 23-year-old bochur, I've had my fair share of shidduchim suggested over the past couple of years.
Someone thinks he's hot shiznit!
What I always find infuriating, is when shadchanim want me to "adjust" the truth in order to make their suggested shidduch seem more suitable.
Now we get to the issue: shadchanim! aka cesspools for loshon hara.
I can't tell you how many times I've received requests to change my resume one way or the other.
I can't tell you how dumb you are for not dumping shadchanim who employ such practices.
What this encourages, is for the guys and girls to be loose with the truth, both with the person they're dating, and with themselves. They both misrepresent themselves to others, and loose touch with what they actually think of, and want for themselves.
It's strange, people who realize this generally also realize that a shadchan gets paid when they get you married and when that is their goal (rather than their goal being to get you matched with someone who is a good match for you, aka someone you can be truthful with), you realize what the issue with these people are and stop wasting their time with them.
Last week, someone suggested a shidduch to me. They prefaced it by saying that for the shidduch to work, I have to start wearing only white shirts, shouldn't follow sports, and a few other gems. "Besides for that it's a perfect shidduch", he told me. I laughed him off the phone.
I cannot find anything there at all that would imply that it is the "perfect shidduch".
From conversations with friends, I know I'm not the only one this happens to. And, many of the others actually agree to such conditions for the moment, in order for the "perfect" shidduch to work.
From this line we can see that this guy is far more intelligent than his idiot friends.
Marriages which are predicated on one changing oneself don't work. Could it be possible that the rise of divorce and broken engagements in our community is somehow linked to this?
Could it be possible that the rise of that is somehow linked to shadchanim making their money when they get people married, not 10 years after the fact?
Too many people are dating based on what someone else wants them to be, versus who they actually are. Once they get married, (or engaged), they quickly realize that they aren't, and can't be the person they pretended to be in order to date. And everything goes downhill from there.
And getting a divorce is a long and painful process.
Parents and anyone involved in shidduchim, please stop encouraging the guys and girls dating to be fake.
Parents should NEVER (read: ever) be involved in shidduchim. If you're not mature enough to get married, you're not mature enough to be married.
If you don't like or approve of the character and qualities of your son or daughter, try influencing them to transform themselves or just accept it. Lying might work, but it can also cause a ripple effect with long lasting disappointment and hurt.
Accept it and find them a suitable match for who they are, not a suitable match for you: you're already married.
If everyone just started being real, dating would be that much simpler. It would actually enable one to find their match, not just someone with an outward appearance of matching.
If everyone would grow a pair of balls and ask girls out at Sweet Expressions we would all be much better off. Except for the shadchanim. But who really cares about them anyways???
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