Every once in a while, someone writes something so face-meltingly self-unaware, so lacking in irony, you have to wonder if they’ve been concussed. Enter Bret Stephens, house “conservative” of the New York Times, long-time concierge for establishment groupthink, and now — incredibly — the man lecturing us on how the media lies too much.
In his Sapir article “Can the Media Keep Kosher?”, Stephens breathlessly warns that the public can no longer trust mainstream journalism because of — wait for it — COVID-19 deception, suppression of the lab leak theory, and gaslighting about Joe Biden’s cognitive collapse.
And here’s where we say: this is not a satire site.
Because in a move that belongs in the Louvre of hypocrisy, Bret has personally helped manufacture and perpetuate every one of those lies. He’s not just calling the kettle black — he’s stuffing the kettle with kindling and lighting the match.
Let’s break this down, Modern Rashi style.
📌 Exhibit A: The Lab Leak Lie — Which He Helped Gaslight
In his piece, Stephens laments how media outlets smeared the lab-leak theory as a racist conspiracy. Conveniently missing? The part where he did that too.
In early 2020, Stephens sat quietly while his colleagues at the Times ran pieces like:
-
“Senator Tom Cotton Repeats Fringe Theory of Coronavirus Origins” (NYT, Feb 17, 2020)
-
“The Lab-Leak Theory Doesn’t Hold Up” (NYT, June 8, 2021)
Did Stephens protest? Nope.
Did he challenge his own paper’s framing? Of course not.
He waited until 2023, when the Department of Energy and FBI admitted lab origin was plausible, to suddenly reinvent himself as the brave truth-teller.
This isn’t journalism. It’s cosplaying hindsight as integrity.
📌 Exhibit B: Biden’s Brain Rot — That Bret Helped Cover
Now Bret wants credit for raising the alarm on Biden’s mental decline — which would be impressive, if he hadn’t spent years ridiculing those who pointed it out.
In 2020, when anyone with a functioning prefrontal cortex could see Biden was sliding, Stephens wrote:
-
“Biden’s Mental Acuity Is Fine. Really.” (imaginary title, but you get the tone)
-
He openly mocked Trump’s critiques of Biden’s cognition, calling them “desperate distractions.”
-
And he continued this line well into 2021, telling us Biden’s slurred speech and senior moments were just “gaffes,” not symptoms.
Yet now, post-debate, as the entire Times editorial board calls for Biden to step aside (NYT, July 6, 2024), Bret's joined the dogpile like he wasn’t the designated waterboy just months earlier.
📌 Exhibit C: “Trust Us, We Lie Better Than Fox”
Stephens’ entire thesis is that the mainstream media was ruined by activist journalists infiltrating once-honorable institutions — you know, like the New York Times, where he’s been collecting a salary since 2017.
He blasts outlets for bias, then stays mum on how his own paper:
-
Pushed the 1619 Project as American Gospel.
-
Spiked the Tom Cotton op-ed for being too spicy for the Woke Intern Union.
-
Called Hunter Biden’s laptop “Russian disinformation” (NYT, Oct 2020), then admitted it was real — quietly — in 2022.
Where was Bret?
“Tough but fair,” he said, about an institution that’s functionally a comms shop for the DNC.
But sure, let’s wring our hands over how Rachel Maddow has too many opinions.
📌 Conclusion: The Guy Holding the Knife Is Complaining About the Stabbing
This article is the literary version of O.J. Simpson’s “If I Did It.”
Stephens catalogues the very sins he’s guilty of, then nods solemnly at the need for “more honesty in media.”
You can’t make this up.
Bret wants to be remembered as the voice of reason in an era of deceit — but the receipts say otherwise. He was the guy gaslighting about COVID, mocking concerns about Biden, and playing cleanup crew for the corporate press, right until the wind changed direction.
So let’s be clear:
Bret didn’t write an exposé.
He wrote a confession.
Just not a very honest one.
No comments:
Post a Comment