It’s Not a Shidduch Crisis. It’s a Writing Coherent Articles Crisis

COLlive must be gunning for a Guinness record this week: “Most Idiotic Articles Published in 7 Days.” The New York Times usually owns that category, but COL is swinging hard for the crown. And, in classic COL fashion, the same editors who always reject my actually intelligent submissions decided this masterpiece was worthy of ink: “It’s Not a Shidduch Crisis. It’s a Tznius Crisis.”

The author, Rivka, self-proclaimed shlucha and part-time prophet of nonsense, spends multiple paragraphs inflicting her mushy half-thoughts on the rest of us. Apparently, the reason singles are suffering isn’t because of dysfunctional systems, lazy shadchanim, or ridiculous communal pressures. No. According to Rivka, the whole crisis boils down to girls not being tznius enough. That’s it. That’s her earth-shattering revelation.

She provides no evidence, no logic, nothing resembling a coherent argument. Just the usual vague hand-waving and “feelings” masquerading as insight. It’s like someone gave her a keyboard and said, “Quick, dump your personal hang-ups onto the community and call it Torah.”

And the best part? Even COL’s own comment section, which normally reads like a remedial English class on Ritalin, immediately poked holes in her stupidity. One commenter, spelling errors and all, basically said: “Yes, there’s a tznius issue, but what does that have to do with shidduchim? People pair off with those who match their level. End of story.” Exactly. If the barely literate crowd can see through Rivka’s nonsense, what does that say about COL’s editorial bar?

As for Rivka’s shlichus, I’d bet good money it’s one of those sterile Chabad Houses catering to bored country club Jews. Basically BMG with a Rebbe picture slapped on the wall. Inspiring stuff.

The real question isn’t why Rivka is spouting this garbage. People spout garbage all the time. The question is why COLlive thought this incoherent slop deserved publication. At this point, they’re less a news site and more a community bulletin board for bad hot takes. If they’re trying to be the frum New York Times, loud, sanctimonious, and allergic to coherent thought, then mission accomplished.